My world is over! Everything I’ve grown accustomed to in my short life has slowly disappeared before my eyes. My home is no longer warming and complete, but a fraction of the memory of what I truly need and desire. Dreaming of the days that were filled of happiness and laughter makes me sad to wake up.
I miss my dad! It hurts to know he loves me and desires to watch me grow, but is robbed of the chance because of both of their actions. I NEED him. For the stuff I can’t go to mom about. I NEED him. For his tough love and stern direction. But I barely see him, and when I do it’s only fun and games. Nothing of real substance that can help mold me into the person I need to be. He just wants me to want to see him again, but I need so much more than to see him.
I’m getting sick of seeing my mom cry; she tries to hide it, but I know the look. She is never smiling anymore, and when she does it’s stolen by her problems and loneliness. I watch her wake up and argue on the phone. I watch her struggle to feed, clothe and shelter me among scrutiny; all the while her clothes are ragged, and I barely see her eat. Even when Dad was here, she took care of everyone. But who takes care of her? I can’t wait to grow up and give her some relief.
The worst part of it all, is they only see THEIR hurt. She does everything in her power to prove his actions are ruining her; his priority is to express what he needs from her and that he wants to see me more; their only focus is each others feelings, their own pain. No one stops to ask me how I feel or what I think. What about what I want? They only care about themselves and barely care for each other. If they REALLY loved ME, they would set aside their pride and do whatever it takes to be a loving family again. But they only want what they want; and unfortunately, my needs are overshadowed by that.
Hopefully one day they can get to a place where pride and selfish feelings are non-existent. Even if they can’t be together, why can’t they still love each other? Like God loves us; he forgives us over and over. He still stands by us and even blesses us despite our disobedience. If they ever loved each other, why can’t they remember that love? If they love me, why can’t they see me and how I feel? You know what, they are teaching me something after all: from people, love is just a word that holds no weight. Because if it did, love would always win.
Signed, a child of a broken home